


Survivor

by Ellemae



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Disabled Character, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Paralysis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-03-05 15:11:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3124829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellemae/pseuds/Ellemae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Regina stares down at Emma Swan, white and frozen within her hospital bed, she knows it is already too late. Emma has been struck by ice magic, and their lives will never be the same.</p><p>This story picks up in the midst of S4Ep02, shortly after Emma has escaped the ice cave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"You idiots!" Regina stared down at the unconscious woman who lay still as ice in the hospital bed. "Why didn't you call me sooner?"

There came no reply, and she looked up to glare at the Charmings for only a moment before her gaze dropped again to Emma.

"They've told you, I suppose," she fought to modulate her voice, "that it is too late."

"We were hoping--" Snow began timidly.

"Hoping!" Regina screeched. Looking at the chalky white of Emma's face, and seeing no flicker of eyelids, she took in a deep breath and carefully modulated her voice again. "I'm sorry, maybe I could have helped earlier. But it is too late."

Nodding sadly, and silently, the Charmings watched Regina walk briskly away.

She couldn't stay away long, not when the memory of Emma's unconscious form haunted her every waking thought, and, she was fearful, her dreaming ones as well. She saw no point in attempting sleep, so instead as the moon rose high she returned to the hospital room. Using magic, of course, for it was past visiting hours.

Despite that, she, for a reason unknown even to her, decided to grant the Savior some privacy, and arrived in a puff of purple smoke directly in front of Emma's hospital room door.

Her heart clenched as the sound of desperate muffled sobs emitted from within, and it was times like this that she wished she had never returned her heart to her chest.

Still, something in her, perhaps the mother that Henry had helped created, forced her to knock lightly on the door and enter.

"Emma," she said softly, as she caught sight of the woman lying ramrod straight on her back, reddened face dripping with tears.

She didn't try to communicate beyond that, instead crossing the room to sit on a chair, though not before pulling it closer to the bed.

Emma's tears continued to flow freely, and she seemed to struggle for control, before choking out, "leave!" and angrily gesturing with her arm.

"No, dear," Regina kept her voice low and calm. "I'm sure you told those idiots that you are fine, and I'm sure they chose to believe what is easiest. But we know differently, and you shouldn't be alone, so I'm staying."

Emma glared at her, but it was a poor approximation of her own perfected one, and Regina scoffed lightly. "No need to talk, or argue either, I'm staying."

And to punctuate her point Regina slid off her heels, dropping each one with a clatter onto the hospital linoleum, before crossing her ankles demurely, and leaning back in the chair.

"Bitch." Emma muttered, again through her tears.

"I know you are, but what am I," Regina replied with a smirk, which only widened when she caught sight of Emma's narrowed eyes. "A charming response Henry has recently taught me."

The exchange seemed to do what Regina had intended, for Emma's tears had begun to taper off. Deeming it an appropriate time, she inched her chair to the edge of the bed, and plucked Emma's clenched hand from the covers, encouraging it to open and relax by running her thumb along the side.

Regina sat in silence until that occurred, and carefully threaded their fingers together.

"I'm sure," she began, "that they told you everything would be all right. That things always work out."

Emma nodded.

"And you know that's a lie."

Emma sucked in a shaky breath, but nodded again.

Regina continued, "You will suffer."

"Wh-what?" Emma asked in a raspy voice.

"You know what I'm thinking, it's part of why you are so upset. But dear, it's important to realize one thing: you will suffer, but you will also survive."

Regina reached out her free hand and tapped against Emma's legs, and the blonde looked on sadly. She couldn't feel a thing.

"What did they tell you?" Regina asked.

"Magic wrought in another world outside of ours cannot be cured by magical means, not when it has fully set." Emma stated as if by rote, which it probably was at this point.

Regina nodded.

"So," Emma faltered slightly, free fingers picking at the worn grey hospital blanket. "I'm right, aren't I? Dr. Whale tried to explain it but my parents, they don't really get it. Still, the paralysis...it's permanent."

And Regina nodded again.


	2. Chapter 2

She doesn't want to see her parents.

In fact, she refuses to the best of her ability.

Regina completely understands that because she's spent years trying to avoid Snow and her Charming.

Still, her attempts failed miserably, so she doubts that Emma will have better luck.

Knows she won't in the long run.

But it's working fairly well currently.

Emma's told Dr. Whale she doesn't want to see them, and for some reason he's listening to her wishes.

He's never listened to what anyone's wanted before.

She's a little mad about that to be honest, which she'll admit because she's trying to lie less. For Henry. Then again, she's also trying to be less angry, and that's not working well.

Not when Snow and Charming are such idiots.

She suspects Emma Swan is refusing to see them because she hates appearing weak. Hates feeling weak.

And Emma's body is still mangled, ice magic flowing through her veins, but she's alive.

So Regina sees no reason to hold back and avoid telling Emma that she's the idiot that she is.

"You're an idiot," she says, as she gracefully sits down on the chair she's just pulled up next to Emma's hospital bed.

She crosses her ankles demurely, because this hospital room may be gauche but Regina Mills is anything but.

"Huh?" Emma tries to sit up before realizing that's no longer really a possibly, and Regina stares blankly for a moment at Emma's hand as it clenches white with frustration.

Then she responds to the important issue at hand.

"You're making your mother intolerable," she mutters.

Emma smirks. "I know I am, but what are you?"

"That doesn't even make sense." Regina glares at Emma, because the woman's now trying to steal her catchphrases as well as her son. Her glare only serves to make the insufferable blonde grin harder. Typical.

"Seriously Miss Swan," Regina sniffs. "She's right outside the door."

"Really?" Emma actually looks surprised.

And Regina is reminded that she isn't used to people staying.

"Yes dear," she's a bit calmer now. "Could you please deal with her?"

Emma exhales a sigh, and Regina realizes how exhausted she looks. "Soon," she promises.

Although she rarely does so, Regina decides to drop it for now.

"How was occupational therapy?" She changes the topic.

Emma shrugs.

"I see," Regina says softly.

Emma looks so exhausted, and Regina frowns.

"Would you like to watch a movie? Henry showed me how to use his iPad."

"The kid has an iPad?!" And of course that's what Emma's focused on. And she sounds a little jealous.

"I don't even have an iPad!"

Yes, she's definitely jealous.

Regina simply shakes her head and raises an eyebrow.

"Will you stay?" Emma asks softly, hesitantly.

"Only if you avoid a ridiculously preposterous choice." Regina scoffs, because they're getting a little too serious.

Moving into territory where they don't belong.

"I'm a really good movie picker!" Emma seemingly forgets again and struggles to sit upright.

Almost before she's noticed her mistake Regina is standing and pushing the button that raises Emma's bed, and rolling her eyes, "we'll see."

"I am!" Emma growls, forgetting to be frustrated and smiling instead.

Regina hands her the iPad and Emma swipes through it easily, and no way in hell will Regina admit how long it took Henry to teach her to use it successfully.

"This one!" Emma crows.

Regina leans down and glances at the screen. "Practical Magic?" She reads doubtfully.

"You'll like it." And when Emma smiles up at her she merely nods.

"Come here." Emma pats the small space on the bed next to her.

And Regina is appalled.

"Regina," Emma whines. "You're not going to be able to see the screen from anywhere else."

And, all right, that is actually true and she did promise she would stay.

She sits awkwardly next to Emma, trying to avoid touching the younger woman even as she slips off her heels and tucks her legs below her on the bed.

And if Miss Swan leans on her a little well, the woman is paralyzed, she can't help it and surely it doesn't mean anything.

 

~~~

 

Even now, days later, she has to admit that she did enjoy the movie. Even though she doesn't love the insinuation that she's stuck in some endless cycle, losing those she loves over and over and over again, with no relief in sight.

After all, there is no way that Emma Swan is Sally, that part is Regina all the way, down to her dark brunette hair.

Emma is far more of a Gilly, bound to make the wrong decisions in her love life (Regina cannot forget Hook, much as she would like to), and constantly gallivanting about in a most unbecoming manner. Plus, Nicole Kidman is blonde in real life, so Emma's fate as Gilly is practically sealed.

Still, despite being vaguely insulted by the movie, she has to admit that watching it with Emma was...nice. 

And, she is relatively sure, that for a moment Emma forgot where she was, or what was happening. Her face was brighter, her smile more sincere, and she spent much of the movie watching Regina's reactions out of the corner of her eye. 

Still, the brief period of joy that movie provided is all but gone now.

Emma is tired and sullen, still refusing to see her parents, and Henry, and any other visitors who have attempted to come.

Regina still gets in, but she suspects that's because Emma has little choice in the manner. Emma Swan, despite the fact that Regina loves to call her an idiot, is really rather intelligent - and surely she realizes that even if she told Regina to go, Regina would refuse.

It's the principle of the matter.

Regina wants to be where she wants to be, and no one can stop her. And right now she wants to be in Emma's hospital room. Though she currently couldn't say why, considering the fact that the woman is steadfastly ignoring her.

Which means, of course, that Regina is ignoring her right back.

Emma is lying perfectly still on her back, her eyes closed and arms straight by her sides, and Regina would suspect she is in peaceful repose, if it weren't for the frantic twitching that's occurring beneath her eyelids. 

Regina is pretending to read a book. She's not quite sure what it's called.

"Hello, Emma," a nurse bursts into the room, and Regina purses her lips in annoyance.

Couldn't the woman knock?

Emma doesn't even open her eyes.

"Emma," the nurse says more sternly. She's standing next to Emma's beside now, and she reaches out and places a hand on Emma's arm. Regina can tell it's gentle, but she also catches Emma's flinch.

She's definitely awake.

"Emma, I have to reposition you, you've been like that all day, and the pressure could give you sores."

Emma opens her eyes and growls, "so what."

Regina rolls her eyes, because Emma is reminding her of a petulant child she once knew. Still does really. She's the image of a stuck-up Snow. Though, Regina supposes Emma has more reason to complain. 

The nurse just stares, and eventually Emma shrugs. The frown slipping off her face into what appears to be despair.

"I don't wanna," Emma whispers.

"I'm sorry," the nurse does look apologetic, but still she waves an orderly into the room, and together they begin to shift Emma's body.

And Regina looks away as the savior begins to sob.

The nurse and orderly continue to reposition her, and Regina wonders if they're hurting her. Or is that impossible.

It's not until she's leaning down beside Emma that she realizes she's approached the bed at all.

"Emma," she says softly, and waits until teary eyes meet her own.

Regina reaches out and smoothes Emma's hair back, and Emma's breathing almost instantly slows, the tears dripping more slowly down her cheeks. 

Regina strokes her head a few more times, then frowns as her hand brushes Emma's forehead.

"She has a fever," she swings around and glares at the nurse, hands on her hips.

The nurse nods, "That's not surprising, temperature regulation can be hard for a paraplegic."

Regina hears a sharp gasp behind her, and she knows it's in response to the term. That this is the first time Emma's heard anyone refer to her in this way, the first time she's realized that this isn't a fairytale anymore. 

This is real life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. I've had some questions about Emma's injury, and the medicine behind it, so I'm taking your suggestions and providing an explanation here. 
> 
> Yes, Emma's injury was caused by magic, but I am envisioning it as a permanent bodily change, not something that can be cured with magical means. In this story Emma has a thoracic spinal cord injury. This occurs when your spinal cord is injured between T1 and T12. There is a variance of severity, impacted by where the injury is located. Any injury located between T1 and T6 can impact trunk control, the ability to use abdominal muscles and some back muscles. A T1-T12 injury will also impact legs. 
> 
> I don't want this story to be too medical, since it would probably disrupt the flow. And I certainly don't want to scare anyone away! But I can provide more explanations as I go along, in case people are interested in learning more about spinal cord injury.
> 
> In the meantime: http://bit.ly/1t4kauk and http://bit.ly/1JlZWQ9 are good resources.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

Emma has had a low-grade fever for days, so she's not terribly surprised when she walks into the room to find Emma looking sweaty and out of sorts.

The doctors have assured her this sort of thing is normal, then again they got their medical degrees from a curse. She's not entirely sure why she's trusting them.

"Re-re-gina," Emma mumbles, and Regina is surprised to see that the girl's teeth are chattering. "I'm so cold."

She cautiously sits on the edge of the bed. Emma's eyes are squeezed shut, she's shivering, goosebumps clearly visible on her skin. Regina wonders if this is just the opposite of what's been happening for days - Emma's body so unable to regulate itself now that it's switching extremes.

A low groan from Emma pulls her from her thoughts.

"Emma," she asks, concern ripe in her voice.

"I," Emma blinks her eyes open slowly, looking completely shocked.

And Regina suddenly smells the scent, coming to the same realization as the blonde.

Emma looks up at her in shock, her lip quivering.

"It was just an accident," Regina declares, and although she's surprised it isn't anything she hasn't dealt with before.

Henry wet the bed often as a child.

Emma closes her eyes tightly, and Regina suspects she's trying to block out the situation.

With a worried glance at Emma, Regina exits the room, off to find the nurse.

She ends up yelling at her (the nurse, of course, not Emma), because seriously how idiotic are these people. Emma can't even sit upright, why would she have bladder control? And why haven't they been doing anything about it?

It's after she's done yelling, when Emma has been cleaned up, and Regina's sitting in the room once more, and Emma is steadfastly ignoring her, that she comes to the realization.

She remembers what caused Henry to wet the bed long after he had been potty trained.

Dr. Whale seems to have realized it simultaneously, because he comes into the room and declares, "you have a urinary tract infection."

He sounds very proud of himself, and Regina simply rolls her eyes.

And watches Emma, who has apparently shut down completely.

Regina asks, because she supposes that Whale may have slightly more medical knowledge than she does (perhaps). "Is that why she's so cold."

And clearly Dr. Whale has had an 'ah-ha' moment. "Dysreflexia!" he crows, and then he's gone.

Well, she supposes that answers her question.

"Emma," Regina approaches the bed.

Emma turns her head in the opposite direction.

"You don't need to be embarrassed," Regina reassures.

And that apparently sparks something in Emma, because she tosses her head so quickly that Regina is afraid she'll get whiplash. "It's like I'm a goddamn baby," Emma shouts, face screwed up in anger.

Even though Regina knows it's not directed at her, she still stifles a reaction. If there's one good thing that being Cora's daughter taught her, it's how to control your emotions in the face of anger.

"I can't do anything! I'm stuck in this hospital bed, and a nurse moves me, and I can't even sit up by myself. And now I'll have a fucking nurse wiping my ass!"

Emma's face is red, and Regina can see the tears just below the surface.

She doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't stay anything. She sits next to Emma, and dares to do something for the first time ever - she slides her hands under Emma's back, and gently eases her upwards, leaving the blonde slumped against her side.

Emma immediately burrows her face into Regina's shoulder and sniffles.


	4. Chapter 4

Emma sighs and simply shakes her head.

And from her hiding spot Regina is shocked that the blonde is staying so calm.

She's avoided her parents for days, and this meeting seems like a letdown.

"I don't think you understand," Emma continues calmly.

Though, now that Regina thinks about it perhaps she's enunciating a bit too clearly, betraying how hard she's trying to manage her emotion.

"This is permanent. I know Regina already told you that, but now you have doctors and the fairies telling you too. I'm never going to walk again."

"But Emma," Charming interjects.

"I don't want to talk about it," her tone is more clipped, and from the creaking noise

(Regina has picked up every little noise from spending so much time in this one small room)

It is clear that she is turning away to the best of her ability, physically shutting down the conversation as best she can.

And Regina knows that she is itching to run.

"Emma," Snow tries this time, but there is no response.

Regina hears a loud sigh, and then the door clicks closed.

And she rolls her eyes, for they barely tried.

Emma before the accident already needed people to fight for her, never believing they would. Emma after the accident even more so. And Regina cannot believe she is the only person to realize this.

She doesn't bother announcing her presence, for though Emma's eyes are closed her chest is moving erratically, breath too uneven for sleep.

"You're going to get a crick in your neck," and if she sounds like a stuck-up bitch, well, that's her modus operandi.

Emma lets out a breathy laugh.

"Hi Regina," she swings her head back around, and Regina is relieved because honestly it was at a terribly awkward angle and she doesn't need any more injuries to contend with.

"Guess I don't need to get hurt any worse," Emma's tone is light, though her eyes still betray her anxiety from the confrontation with her parents.

And all Regina can focus on is, 'when did we start thinking so similarly.'

She kicks off her heels and walks closer to the bed, instinctively smoothing a hand on Emma's forehead, though the woman crinkles her nose in distaste at the action.

"You seem to be fever free," she says conversationally.

"Gee Regina, hi, how was work, nice to see you. I'm fine," Emma says sarcastically.

Regina chooses to ignore it. "Work was dull, which is no surprise now that my sole job is to patch others failed paperwork."

"Humph," Emma grunts.

"And your day, dear?" Regina asks, sitting on the foot of a bed in such a way that she can maintain eye contact with Emma.

"Wellll."

And Regina just knows she's going to continue her sarcastic steak. Yet another lovely alternative to running.

"Peachy keen," Emma offers up a fake grin.

"Charming."

And, how bizarre it is that her own droll statement is all it takes to make Emma drop the pretense.

Though she shouldn't really be surprise, mood swings seem to be par for the course these days.

"My parents visited," Emma says quiety, fingers picking at her hospital bedspread, which she is suddenly taking an intense interest in.

"I know they did, dear," Regina admits, settling onto the end of the bed.

Emma looks up very briefly and rolls her eyes, and for a second it's the Emma Swan that Regina maybe, perhaps, knew before.

But then it's gone, and Emma's apparently enthralled by her blanket once more.

"They don't understand," the blonde says softly. And it's then that Regina realizes she is trembling, and immediately her heart beats faster.

She's having visceral reactions to Emma these days, ones that make little sense, except that she's experienced similar ones with Henry before and...she will not think of that.

Emma is trembling, and Regina shifts closer, "Emma?"

The woman looks up at her, and Regina can see that her eyes are slightly glazed, and she suddenly worries about shock.

So she rises from the bed, and heads to the room's small storage closet, pulling down a blanket from a high shelf.

She wraps it around Emma's shoulders, allows her hands to linger for just a moment. And no, she doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't know why.

Emma offers her an odd half smile, and then she falls silent.

And they sit like that, in the quiet.


	5. Chapter 5

Regina picks up an apple and looks at it critically, spinning it in the fluorescent light of the store. Ever since Miss Swan took a blade to her apple tree, her crop has diminished.  
  
And so she's stuck with this world's waxy excuse for apples.  
  
"Hello, Madame Mayor."  
  
She's startled enough that she almost drops the apple, but instead her fingers tighten at the last minute and she turns around her mask firmly in place.  
  
"Oh, hello Archie," she sighs, glad that this isn't the beginning of an unnecessary fight.  
  
Ever since Miss Swan's...accident she's found herself mysteriously on edge and curiously unwilling to engage with the townsfolk.  
  
"I was wondering," Archie trips a bit over his own words, "if we might talk for a bit, in my office?" He offers her a practiced smile.  
  
"I...I suppose, yes," she says hesitantly, unsure why she's agreeing so readily.  
  
And minutes later they're ensconced in Archie's office, Regina back on the same sofa where she sat during her short-lived attempt at therapy.  
  
"I'm concerned," Archie begins right away.  
  
"Oh?" Regina drawls, masking her insecurity with indifference, and coldly examining her nails.  
  
"Regina," he sighs, "I know you're worried about her, but you have to look after yourself too."  
  
Regina rolls her eyes.  
  
"Regina," he says softly, standing and walking toward the closet beckoning her encouragingly.  
  
For some reason she finds herself standing and drifting toward him.  
  
He swings open the door and she finds herself face to face with a full body mirror.  
  
"Is this some kind of joke?" She asks harshly, gesturing toward the mirror.  
  
Archie shakes his head, "look, Regina, really look."  
  
And Regina does, and she's startled by what she sees.  
  
Her hair is unbrushed, hanging in greasy strands around her face. There are huge dark circles under her eyes. And worst of all, she's wearing sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt and she was out in public, people saw her like that.  
  
"Oh," she says softly.  
  
"You don't need to always look perfect," Archie reassures, knowing her mother's voice must be screaming in her head, "but you need to look after yourself, or you won't be able to look after her."  
  
Regina nods slowly, and sways slightly in place.  
  
"Come sit," Archie encourages.  
  
When she does he continues, "you must be exhausted."  
  
"No, no I'm fine," she says, swallowing back a yawn.  
  
"You need sleep, Regina."  
  
At just the suggestion her eyes seem to droop. "No!" She insists.  
  
His voice softens, hypnotic somehow, "you need to go home, and crawl into your bed. Can you feel your head sinking into the pillow, Regina?"  
  
"Mmfine," she mumbles, her head jerking forward.  
  
"Close your eyes," he encourages softly.  
  
Regina can't stop the yawn that erupts, her eyelids drifting closed, "maybe, maybe just for a," she yawns, "moment."  
  
Archie smiles down at the sleeping woman, and quietly exits his office a silent Pongo trailing after him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: alcohol abuse

"Hi Em," Ruby grins, poking her head around the doorframe.  
  
Since learning her parents have visited, Emma has found herself inundated with visitors.  
  
Apparently you let one in you let them all in applies.  
  
Now that she's thinks about it, it's way past visiting hours, not that she sleeps much anyway. Ruby must be swinging by after locking up the diner.  
  
Still, she's actually pleased to see Ruby.  
  
"Please, tell me you snuck in some dinner food."  
  
"Better," Ruby grins, slinking into the room and suavely showing Emma the bottle of vodka. "Figured after everything you could use a stiff drink."  
  
"Could I ever," Emma agrees.  
  
#  
  
"So Belle saysss," Ruby giggled.  
  
"Whadaa... whatssda... whattssda she sayyyy," Emma took another gulp of her drink.  
  
Ruby giggled harder. "I can't 'member!"  
  
Emma burst out laughing, "tha'funny."  
  
They both fell silent, Emma draining her glass.  
  
Ruby yawned. "Lotsa fun," she nodded drunkenly at Emma. "Gotta go home and sleep this off."  
  
She stumbled toward Emma and emptied the rest of the vodka into her cup.  
  
Then, without another word, she swayed out of the room.  
  
Emma sniffled, she'd been having so much fun with Ruby and the alcohol had helped so much. She'd forgotten everything, but now she was alone in her hospital room and it all came roaring backed.  
  
She frantically gulped her drink, she needed it to all disappear!  
  
Quickly the glass was empty but it wasn't enough. And she couldn't go and buy more.  
  
Angrily she threw the cup on the floor.  
  
And cried herself to sleep.

#

The first thing Regina notices when she opens Emma's hospital door is the stench.

It smells like a dirty bar...like liquor and urine and sweat.

"I couldn't ask Ruby to," Emma chokes and sobs. "I jus' couldn't."  
  
She is quite a pathetic sight, tears rolling down her pasty face.  
  
Regina can smell the liquor wafting off her in waves.  
  
But she's not disgusted, she just wants to make things better.  
  
And she knows from her conversation with Archie that's not entirely healthy.  
  
But it's still what she wants.  
  
She peels the soaked bottoms off Emma, unsurprised to see a fresh trickle of pee trailing down Emma's legs.  
  
She doesn't even mention it, ignoring the lift in favor of her own magic, briefly suspending Emma in the air as she grabs a pillow and places it below Emma before she lowers her into her chair.  
  
She strips the bed efficiently and stuffs the bedding in a trash bag, returning to Emma once she's washed her hands.  
  
She crouches next to the chair so that she's eye level with Emma.  
  
She's no longer crying though her face remains red and tear-streaked. Her eyelids are barely ajar as she squints at Regina, clearly struggling the pull of alcohol-induced sleep.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

And Regina exhales. "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to add that this is Storybrooke, so I'm envisioning doctors and nurses who don't really know what they're doing (they learned medicine from a curse), and a hospital that isn't the best at maintaining rules.
> 
> For more about lifts/slings: http://bit.ly/1DAFoW8


End file.
